QUOTES, SAYINGS AND DEFINITIONS

This page was last revised on 7^th May 2005

Quotations

"When a dog wags her tail and barks at the same time, how do you know which end to believe?" - Anonymous

"If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise" - Anonymous

"Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant." - Anonymous

Sayings

Ian says that a Woody Dog that has just been playing in the rain is a Soggy Doggy.
Ian came across the following saying via e-mail:
Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is a mystery.
But today is a gift.....that's why it's called the present!
[Author unknown]
Ian says that Woody dogs don't like Spam (Spicy Ham). But I know that Ian doesn't like spam either. And, he tells me, his very unfavourite kind of spam is spam offering ways of preventing spam!
Back in 16th century Britain, houses had thatched roofs comprising straw piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the dogs, cats and other small animals (mice, bugs and things) lived in the roof. When it rained, the thatch became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof - hence the saying, "It's raining cats and dogs"
[Author unknown]
Woody Words
Dogalogue - a brochure with things in for canines (as opposed to Cats)
Cathedral - a big church used by felines
Computer mouse - the preferred online game for e-cats everywhere
Golf - a game for dogs, including a little ball to chase, a bag full of sticks to run off with, sandpits to play in, and lawns to dig up (there is always one hole in each lawn to start us off!)
HTML (He Takes My Lead) - Wherever I go, Ian has no choice but to follow.
Internet - a global courier service for fishermen.
Megabyte - a doggy chew the size of a dinosaur.
Run - what Woody-dogs do while their pets go for a walk.
World Wide Web - home of the biggest spider in the universe.

Paws for Thought
Why do one-way streets go in two directions?
Why do clocks strike twelve at midnight - zero hours?
Why do elephants have trunks if they never go on holiday?
If flies fly, why don't spiders spider?
Why don't snowballs bounce?
People who like to watch what they eat - does that mean they eat television sets?
Why do vets call what they do "practice"?
Why can't cats' pets buy their owners mouse-flavoured cat food?
When human adverts say that such and such a dog food has a "new and improved" flavour, how do humans know that? (Who tests it?!)
When they get round to inventing a computer for Woody dogs (instead of cats), will they replace the mouse with a rabbit?
If you file your nails, make sure you file them under "N" so you can find them again if you need them.
Why do mobile phone masts always stay in the same place?
Why do you have to pay for Free Range Eggs?
If humans can buy All Day Breakfasts, why can't they also buy All Day Evening Meals and All Day Afternoon Tea?

If Woody was captain of the England cricket team.....
He wouldn't have a short leg - he'd have four!
The tail would wag.
He'd often go for a quick run - usually around the back garden.
He'd always strive for a first innings lead - and a second innings lead as well if possible.
He wouldn't walk if given out - but he would if let out.
He'd love a bowl - especially if it had food in it.
Extra cover would mean additional pet insurance!
So who is this wicked keeper person anyway?!!

If Woody was Prime Minister.....

There has just been a General Election in the UK. If Woody was Prime Minister:
He'd probably be so as MP for Barking
His first term would last for 35 years - he is a dog remember!
In his Cabinet, he'd have some cheese, tuna, chicken and apples
The traditional "Hear Hear!" would be replaced with "Woof Woof!"
He'd insist that those European Treaty things were chicken flavour
He'd sit on the front bench, even if it is furniture
He would bring in legislation forcing his predecessor to clear up the mess he'd left the country in
The President of the United States ought not to be called Tree, Hedge or whatever, otherwise the Special Relationship might take on a whole new meaning!
He'd live at Number 10 Stop-Sit-Down-ing Street
He'd Sit! as an MP, Stand! for re-election and Stay! as Prime Minister
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